In my practice as a psychoanalyst, we do more than just analyze your past stories. We look at how that past is actively shaping the person you are today. Often, the clearest window we have into your inner world isn’t a memory at all—it is the relationship that develops between us in this room.
In psychoanalysis, we call this Transference.
If you are a current or future patient, you might find yourself having intense, unexpected feelings toward me. You might feel a desperate need for my validation, a sudden flash of mistrust, or a fear that I am disappointed in you.
From a Relational and Object Relations perspective, these aren’t “side effects” of therapy. They are the heart of the cure.
What is Transference?
We all grow up forming “internal objects”—mental blueprints of the key people from our early life (parents, caregivers, siblings). These blueprints tell us what to expect from others: Is it safe to be vulnerable? Will my anger drive people away? Do I have to be perfect to be loved?
Transference occurs when those “internal objects” walk into the room with us. Without realizing it, you begin to experience me through the lens of those old blueprints. You aren’t just seeing your analyst; you are seeing a “ghost” from your past.
Why This is Central to Your Healing
In Object Relations work, we believe that we are shaped by our relationships and, therefore, must be healed through relationships.
- The “Live” Encounter: We can talk about your childhood for years, but when you feel me “neglecting” you—just as you felt neglected as a child—we are no longer just talking. We are working with the raw, live emotion. This “here-and-now” experience is where the biggest change happens.
- Rewriting the Script: If your internal map says, “If I show my true self, I will be judged,” and you show that self to me, and I respond with empathy instead of judgment, your brain begins to rewrite that map. This is a Corrective Emotional Experience.
- Integrating the “Whole” Self: Many of us split off parts of ourselves—our anger, our needs, our desires—because they weren’t safe to express back then. In our sessions, those parts will eventually surface through transference. By staying in the relationship and working through these feelings together, you learn to integrate those “lost” parts of yourself.
To My Patients: Bring the “Awkward” Into the Room
The most important thing I can tell you as your analyst is this: Your feelings toward me are valuable data.
- Don’t edit yourself: If you’re annoyed with me, tell me. If you’re worried I’m bored, say so.
- I won’t react as others did. I am trained to hold these feelings without becoming defensive or overwhelmed. Unlike the people from your past, I am here to help you look at these feelings, not to be hurt by them.
- This is where the freedom lies: When we understand why you see me the way you do, you stop being a passenger to your past. You gain the freedom to see people as they truly are, and to build relationships that aren’t weighed down by old “objects.”
The Takeaway: Analysis isn’t just about gaining information; it’s about having a new experience. Transference is the bridge that allows us to move from the ghosts of yesterday to the freedom of today.
Author: Dr. Crystal Rose Garrison, Ed.D., Ph.D., LCPC
E-Mail: drcrystalgarrison@gmail.com
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